I'm walking alongside the beach of Fuengirola, on my way to a ' plaza '. The reason for this is that I have a date with a Finnish girl. She had insisted we meet somewhere closer to her house this time which makes me slightly nervous as I will be entering unknown Fuengirola territory. “One.” I count.
I have parked my car near the train station, which is actually a considerable walk away from my destination. Why? Well, I believe that once you find a good parking spot you should stick by it, regardless of where you have to be. “Two.” I count. It's 20.15 on a Tuesday night and I'm looking great, the weather is what you could consider perfect (there's a slight breeze and it's about 22 degrees). I'm passing bars, most of them are fairly empty. It seems all the tourists have left the country and the Spanish are slowly returning to the surface, like the disgusting little creatures they are. I guess that's why there is a hostile feeling surrounding the night.
“Three.” I count. As I'm walking a woman comes my way, I could describe her looks in detail but I don't want to. Let's just say she was around seventy years old, thin-wet-white hair hanging down her face, a nose like a potato you wouldn't like to see on your plate, lips like two worms that haven't had a decent meal in months, eyes so far into her skull- shadow hides most of them. All of this on a face that looked like a badly drawn cartoon skull which was recently crushed with a hammer and re assembled with super glue by someone who doesn't have a clue what he's doing.
Her mouth opens (I wish that didn't happen because the few teeth she had left weren't very nice at all.) and she begs- ' Por favor señor, Por favooor, un poco cambio... '
Just my luck, this had to happen to me. A god damn beggar, slightly annoyed I put one of my hands in my pocket and grab what I think is a coin and some old shop receipt. Her eyes light up like two diamonds and it seems this woman has just received the boost she has been searching for all this time. “Gracias, Oooh gracias!” She starts screaming, “You are an angel sent down from the heavens, your kindness will never be forgotten!” She suddenly reaches underneath her long coat and reveals two small, half frozen children. “¡Mira Maria-Josephina y Carlos-Juan mira, mira!, Este hombre es un ángel!” She screams with tears in her eyes whilst falling to her knees and arms reached out at the sky. I'm about to throw the trash in her hands when I suddenly spot that I'm actually holding a €100 bill and my car keys. No wonder this broad was going ape-shit. “Oh, my mistake” I say, whilst pocketing the items again. I'm trying to regain her attention in order to explain the error but she's beyond hysteric. She's clapping her hands excitedly to the two children who are now dancing with their hands in the air singing- “We will be Ok now! We will be Ok now!”
“This is ridiculous,” I try to interrupt,- “Listen guys- There has been a mistake... Oh God, this is pointless.” I walk away.

“Four.” I count. As I'm walking, I start to notice the area is becoming more and more alien to me. I quickly take off my jacket to accommodate the nervous sweats that I know will come any second now. I knew I should have stopped at Bogards or the Karaoke bar for a Chivas Regal 25 first. Why didn't I trust my gut feeling on this?! I quickly look at my watch, too late to run back there, maybe I can find a decent bar on the way to the plaza... “Five.” I count. I'm looking around nervously, scanning the area for any sort of establishment that could potentially serve me a decent drink. “There!” In the distance a bright red neon sign proudly reads: 'The Thirsty Hoe'. “Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven!” a whole nest of them here.
I feel like shouting- "Go fuck yourselves with your 'Hashish, hashish' you losers. I'm not your friend and I'm too cool for your lousy drugs, fuck off back to the jungle."
I don't say anything, avoid eye contact and move straight through the group inside The Thirsty Hoe.
I was expecting to open the doors of a sleazy little Spanish bar, with a few pool tables and perhaps a gambling machine or two. Instead there are a dozen steel cages hanging from the ceiling with semi naked Russian girls locked inside of them. It's complete chaos. Some of them are dancing, some of them drinking vodka straight from the bottle and one teary-eyed girl screaming- “Get me out of here Mr, get me out of this hell!”
“My god! Now that's what I call a show!” I scream excitedly as a door man collects my coat and walks me towards a couched VIP area centred in between three cages. A blonde waitress, walks up to my table and says- Hello, my name is Sonya, what can I get for you Master?
-'Whiskey-Cola and quickly.' I tell her.

Whilst I wait for my well deserved drink to arrive I look around, There's a man sitting on a stool with the bar tender, he's pointing at one of the cages (the one with the crying girl in it.) and hands the owner a thick envelope whilst grinning. On my right a small group of people are sitting in a more shaded area exchanging briefcases and I over hear one of them say- 'So two more truck loads of brunettes by Friday then?'
My drink arrives and I make myself comfortable, the stereo system is playing a song by James Brown titled 'Try me', only they have swapped the original music and replaced it with one of the harshest most industrial guitar riffs I have ever heard. What a discovery this place. I light up a cigarette to compliment the drink and close my eyes in complete bliss. Don't fall asleep now though Alex, don't fall asleep, don't do it, don't fall asleep. I fall asleep.

Immediately I start to dream, I'm running through Fuengirola. Running? No, I'm sprinting! I'm not so sure why but I don't really question the situation because after all - It's a dream and I'm curious to see how this plays out.
As I'm sprinting I notice that the reason for it is most likely the T-Rex behind me, breathing down my neck. Running at around 55km/hour I change direction towards the sea, which is a good choice because I'm convinced those guys can't swim. Look at their little arms with those cute little paws... No, a T-Rex can't possibly swim with those things. Unfortunately for me I happen to be wrong on this, another one appears from the water. Jesus, he must have swam all the way from Morocco. Who would have thought? As I'm wondering how all of this is possible, the one behind me launches an attack with it's mighty teeth which I don't block because that's impossible. Instead I get ripped to shreds. Even though I'm ripped to shreds I'm somehow still alive and able to see. I'm now inside this dinosaurs stomach and there's a band there recording a music video. This typical video with some angst riddled front-woman screaming in the microphone. The lyrics are about baby seals getting their heads crushed by men with sticks. On the left of the lead singer there is a guitarist playing the bass and on her right a bassist is playing the guitar. Behind them all, on a platform there's a drummer and instead of a standard drum kit he's playing on five replica seals which are being smashed to the beat. There is also a horse positioned in between the band, who's simply staring at the camera, chewing some grass. As the song builds up to a dramatic ending the lead singer spits out the lines: “And I'm telling you, oh ye oh ye, I will fuck your face like a seal, baby baby!” The guitarist and bassist are singing the back up lines – “Like a seal, like a seal, like a seal!” the horse starts barfing all over the drummer, the music starts to fade out and the front-woman gives a close up to the camera, looking angelic and pouting her lips.
“That's a wrap!” I scream.
The band congratulates me on a fine directing job and says they're looking forward to seeing the finished product. The horse walks up to me and asks- “Master, would you like anything else?”

I wake up and find the waitress standing over me. She repeats the question - “Master, would you like anything else?”
- 'No Sonya, I'm good for now. Go away.'
- 'Sure thing.' She says.
I finish my drink and light up a new cigarette, what am I doing here anyway? Why the fuck am I sleeping on a red leather couch in a goddamn Russian S&M dungeon? I'm going home.
Suddenly it hits me, I had a date! I look at my watch 23:39pm. Jesus, I'm already 2 hours and 39 minutes late. I wave Sonya over.
- 'Master?'
- 'No nonsense Sonya, a whiskey-cola and quickly.'
Sonya sprints to the bar and prepares me the drink in record time. Once received, I in turn, drink it in record time.
Listen Sonya, this was great but I'm not paying right now, put it on a tab or something. John Dubov is the name. Remember that name. I'm a very close friend of N'goko aka the 'Senegal-Machete', that's all you have to know at this point.
Sonya starts shivering in her boots and bows to me. I grab my coat from the doorman, who must have over heard my final words because he is on his knees holding the door open for me. I leave The Thirsty Hoe.

A few minutes go by before I finally reach my destination- The plaza. I'm looking around scoping the area. In the distance I see someone curled up on the floor in a corner, looking slightly uncomfortable, cold and well, genuinely miserable. “There we have my date.” I mumble as I walk over and say- “Okay, okay, I know I'm a little late but there is no need to exaggerate now.” There is no reaction so I continue. -'You don't look so well by the way, awful clothes also. “Hello?! Hey, God damnit!” I kick her in the back. An ugly woman's head looks up at me confused and whines- 'Cambiooooo cammmbiooo, estoy muy frio aqui, muy friioOOOoooo!'.
This wasn't my date, this was that ugly beggar from before. I'm staring at this creature in disgust as she is whirling around on the floor, crying, drooling, filthy... someone behind me goes- 'Hey Alex, why are you holding your lighter against this woman's clothes?' I look around, my date -The Finnish Girl is standing there holding a cup of coffee with both hands.
-'No reason.' I say.
I grab the coffee from her and drink it in one go. Before she can ask me what the hell just happened I grab her tight and tell her- 'Do you have any idea how pretty you look tonight?'
We kiss.

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Diary:

Entry I - This Date : [link]
Entry II - Karaoke Bar : [link]
Entry III - The Gym : [link]
Entry IV - Alien Territory : [link]


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Video Walkthroughs:

Verkenner: [link]
Street Musician: [link]
Olga Kurylenko Portrait: [link]
Witching Hour: [link]